Serena’s Squiffy Suggestion

So Sir Ian McKellen thinks we should replace the word same-sexer (homosexual in Greek/ Latin, or “Gay” if you prefer, which I don’t) with the noun “gorgeous” to describe ourselves.

Unfortunately I had switched on C4 on Friday too early to catch The Simpsons (there are some interesting observations to be made about Monty Burns’ sidekick Weyland Smithers, homosexuality and Germanic mythology which I won’t go into here) and instead caught Sir Ian making his stupid comment on the Richard and “Flasher” Judy Show, which he repeated the next day at London EuroPride. I’ll have more to say about the major discrepancies in the audience participation figures at the end of this piece, and since I’m still on daytime TV, I hope Paul O’Grady makes a full and lasting recovery as soon as possible.

Here is a dictionary definition of “gorgeous”, which is an Old French word (as is “gorge”): splendid, richly-decorated, magnificent, ornate. All this may be perfect for a diamond-and-pearl encrusted La Patsy Bouffant and her fabulous pussies, or even yourself, but it doesn’t describe me in my white T-shirt and jeans, and neither I suspect does it describe the vast majority of readers of these boards (the Gods help us if I’m wrong!).

Not only is the word “gorgeous” bad enough (an inaccurate joke) but it shares associations with even more unsavoury characters. And I mean ideas far worse than George Galloway in a Lycra cat-suit.

1. From the Old French “gorge” meaning throat, it has gone into the language as the act of gorging, excessive consuming; gluttony. Much as a leech is engorged with blood from some poor sod who falls into the Limpopo, or a boa-constrictor is engorged after swallowing whole a baby sloth. It emphasises the worst aspects of gay consumerism.
2. From it’s meaning of “narrow passage” it brings up a bundle of obvious sexual metaphors, from sodomy (which most same-sexers never indulge in) to cock-sucking. “Engorged” is a favourite word of pornographers…we all know why.
3. Gore: Dried, dirty blood. Gouge (very nasty).

Wearily pursuing these unpleasant associations even further, I looked in
Roget’s Thesaurus, and found this:

361 (colourful).19: gorgeous, gay (well, you got that right, Sir Ian), florid, gay coloured, gaudy
902 (ostentation).20 gaudy, tawdry, gorgeous, garish, loud, blatant, glaring, flaring, screaming, obtrusive, vulgar, crude, meretricious (from Latin meaning befitting a harlot).

Well, how would you like to be associated with all that in the general public’s mind? I know it would make me very angry. Sir Ian McKellen had the luxury of waiting until his privileged middle ages before coming out, and as a Shakespearean actor you’d think he’d be a bit more sensitive to words and their associations. I think he should be forced to gorge himself on an English dictionary.

As for the Europride figures, they seemed tiny even compared with London Prides in the 80s-90s, and much smaller than the previous continental versions. Police estimated 40,000, and why would Sir Ian Blair lie? It’s not as if we’re all Islamic Jihadists whose apparent support the police would naturally want to suppress. We’re on the other side.

According to the Europride organisers’ site, 750,000 showed up on the streets. That’s almost 19 people for every one counted by the cops. Where did the rest go? Was it the Dr. Who Scribble Monster? If they’d covered the 1934 Nuremberg rally, they’d have asserted that precisely seven Nazis turned up. And two chimps in Hitler Youth uniforms, one of whome doubled up as Minister for Propaganda Goebbels!

Alisdair
Delenda est Carthago!